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Homework Hassles…Solved (kind of…)

January 8th, 2014 by admin Posted in Uncategorized

Kid-homework
Chances are, when you were a child, you don’t remember having too much homework in kindergarten, first grade or second grade.  Sure, you had a worksheet here and there, but nothinglike how it is today. Standards, testing, assessments and teacher evaluations have squeezed learning into the afternoon and evening hours, and with no change on the horizon, we can assume thathomework is here to stay.

And when it comes to parent and child, homework is a common lightning rod for struggle and fights.  From where the child sits, to the appropriate hour it is completed, parents and children have trouble seeing eye-to-eye about the best way to complete the work.

So, let’s start off the year with some homework collaboration and cooperation!  Here are some of my ideas for how to struggle less with homework:

  • Call a Meeting with Your Child: Enlist your child’s help in establishing the homework routine. Have your child reflect on his or her own schedule (extracurriculars such as sports, instruments, dance, art, etc.) and make a chart of the week. Are there nights that will run late? Would your child be better at waking a bit earlier to finish their homework?  Does your child want to start it as soon as he gets home?  Does your child have an opinion on it? Have a discussion so that your plan makes sense to everyone!
  • Make Your Plan: After the details are discussed, make the plan as simple and clear as possible.  Give as much ownership and power as you can to the child. The plan must be written down, clearly displayed, and agreed upon by both the child and the parent.  Emphasize that this is the plan you are trying, and you can revisit the plan if it is not working!  Pick a date, and call another meeting to evaluate the homework plan.
  • Be Open to Your Child Working Differently Than YOU Think He or She SHOULD: Sometimes, as parents, we have the idea that the child is going to quietly sit at a desk, for hours and hours…but this is not so. Many children need to get up and move often while they work. Some children want to listen to music, some mumble to themselves, some doodle, some twitch their legs, some kids even work in front of the TV! And yes, some need total silence and stillness in order to focus. My point? Be open to how your child’s brain works! Try not to judge it if the work is getting completed in a timely, orderly, and good fashion.
  • Keep Paying Attention: Even if the homework plan is working flawlessly, keep checking in with your child. Check their assignment books, ask them what they are working on, show curiosity in their work, and yes, you can check to see if their answers are correct! I don’t think you should be sitting by your child, side-by-side (the homework is his or hers), but you still have to keep yourself in the loop.
  • Your Ultimate Goal is to Foster Independence, NOT Dependence:  If may feel right to assist, hover, and interfere with your child’s homework, but we want to keep moving the responsiblity to the child.  This may mean that the child may have to experience what it feels like to not have their homework finished, or he or she may need to write at the top of the page, “I don’t understand this worksheet.”  The teacher will not know this if you try to “teach” it to the child!  Helping a child with a concept?  Sure!  Teaching a child an entire lesson?  No.  A little frustration now will pay off with more resilience later!

Routine Re-Up Time!

January 5th, 2014 by admin Posted in Uncategorized

Too much.

Too much stuff.

Too much food, too much junk food, too much technology.

Too much family, too much sleep (maybe?), too much togetherness.

Too much lack of routine.

Whereas adults enjoy our routine and feel quite out of sorts without it, children need routine to continue to thrive, learn, and integrate their young brains.

The child’s young brain has not yet developed the coping mechanisms to override their anxiety.

For instance, as I sit here, I know that Wednesday will be the day when everything will get back to normal.  And even though I am beginning to climb the walls, I can mindfully relax myself and cope with my anxious feelings.

Young children simply cannot do this.  You cannot even teach them to do it.  It is an age and developmental (as well as temperament) issue, and you can train, rehearse, role model all you want.  This kid simply ain’t ready to cope!  The brain is ready when it is ready!

So, what can a parent do to help children ease their way back into a routine?

1)   GET YOURSELF TOGETHA

This means that, as an adult, your energy always flows down to the kids.  If you are putting together a plan for yourself, this confidence and control reads to the child as, “Mom and Dad have it together.  I am safe.”  So, some things you need to do: meal plan and grocery shop, find the backpacks and supplies, get the clothes ready that you need, discuss your week with your partner, and get the coffee maker ready.  Number one way to have a better week?  Have confidence that everything will work out and SMILE.

2)   CALL A MEETING

Just because your children have immature brains doesn’t mean that they don’t love a meeting!  Let the family know what will be happening, where they will be when, and give them some options.  Have them start menu-planning breakfast, laying out clothes, placing bags near door, etc.  Write down your meeting notes and hang them up!  This does two things:  It shows that children that the parents are in charge (and the kids like that!), and it gives some appropriate power to the children (and the kids LOVE that!)  It also helps the kids to understand that change is a’comin!

3)   EXPECT THE BEST (AND WORST), HOPE FOR THE BEST

Essentially, like many times in your parenting life, this is one of those transitions where you gotta pull up your big girl panties and know that it is going to be a bit rough.  The kids will be pissed to wake up early (me, too), and they will not want to eat that oatmeal, and they will want to go sledding instead.

So, you will set your alarm a good half hour earlier and move this mess along the best way you can.  Keep smiling, resist the urge to fall into the power struggles, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying, “Hey!  Congrats on going back to school!  As a welcome back treat, I have muffins in the car for everyone!”  And then everyone marches out.  That’s not a bribe, it’s a celebration.  Do it.

The thing is, you set the tone.  I pretty much know at least two of my kids will be crying this week, and I have already decided, “I am not going to lose my sh!t.”  Doesn’t mean I will love it; just means I am not going to get huffy and angry.  I will love them through it and may treat myself to a muffin when everyone is where they need to be!

Good luck, keep smiling, and you can do it!

If you like these tips, you should be signing up for my group coaching class, starting in February.  Click here for more info!

Who Wants to Start 2014 with HOPE?

December 29th, 2013 by admin Posted in Uncategorized

Yo, parents!

Self-care is the most important way to improve your parenting skills.

Why? A happy and calm mom or dad IS a happy and calm parent.

My friend Kelly Weed Dahl created the Fulfill Your Year e-course to help you create your best year yet.

I AM GIVING AWAY ONE CLASS. (How cool is Kelly to offer this to my peeps?!)

The course begins January 6th. Don’t miss this amazing experience.

How do you win a spot?

Leave a comment saying what you think this course could do for YOU, and I will pick a name on January 5th!

Weeee!

I love a give-away.

Loving the Child Who is Hitting

Your lovely and beautiful child is hitting…and hitting often.

When your child is hitting, ask yourself some of these questions:

1) How old is my child?  A two year old can hit A LOT.  It’s pretty normal.  In fact, it is the most violent and aggressive time in a human’s life!  Read this for more info!

An eight year old, typically, hits far less.  You have two totally different ways of handling different ages.  (Will get to this more.  The point is: age and developmental stage matter.)

2). What is the frustration causing the hitting?    Is it that the language is not there and the frustration erupts as a hit?  Has the child been trying to make her point, and no one is listening?  Has he been interrupted?  Told to hush?  Told to suck it up?

3). How can I help the child adapt to this frustration?  This means that there is often nothing any of us can do about life’s frustrations, but that doesn’t mean we cannot remain emotionally open and kind to our child.  The child will have tears and you can allow it.  Those tears are a sign of their expectations meeting with the reality of the world.  There is not one more cookie.  It is time for bed.  The i-device is going away.  UGH!  This SUCKS.  And then, after some tears…I feel better.  

This is human.  We all do it.  At least, we should be doing it.

iStock_000017328378SmallIf a child has violent outbursts, often, this child needs the LEAST frustration in his life.  Why?

This is like, let’s say, someone is starving.  Literally starving to death.  You cannot give the body a Big Mac and a piece of pie (more than it needs).  You ease the body into calories and nutrients, until the body can handle many foods.

Children who are easily frustrated and aggressive do not need MORE problems.  They need to be eased into frustration, so keep it light.  As the child becomes more experienced at adapting to frustration, he can handle more and more!

Regular frustrations?  How can the family get through it?  For instance, my three year old hits me, and then throws herself on the ground during dinner.  Well, this is not totally unusual.  We give her some love, give her some time, and welcome her back to the table when she comes back.

When my ten year old hits and yells, this signals me that something is wrong.  Hunger?  Fatigue?  School?  Friend stuff?  Homework?  Worries?  I give her space and stay close, don’t take it personally, ask open-ended questions…wait for her to open up.  Sometimes it is a problem, sometimes it is hormonal.   It is my job to be steady and non-punitive, in both cases.  This requires patience, self-care, a solid partnership, and good friends.

 

Strategies to Stop Screaming at the Kids

December 8th, 2013 by admin Posted in Uncategorized

I know, I know.  If you are a parent; you yell.  Maybe you yell 10 times a week, maybe you scream 10 times a day, but you yell.  The kids don’t listen. You remind, you cajole, you nag, you bribe, you get fed up…you explode.  Everyone, even the most amazingly relaxed people on earth, have a limit. It is human to experience to anger and react to it.  Sometimes, it is even appropriate.  Yet, we all know that yelling andscreaming at our kids leaves us feeling worse about ourselves, guilty, angrier, and frankly, worn down.  Most importantly, yelling doesn’t change misbehaviors!

Mom-frustrated-yell

So, what are the tips I have for the yelling?  Here’s why we yell and what to do about it:

1)  You are yelling because you are tired.  You have a new baby in the house and an active three-year-old, and sleep is hard to come by.  Or maybe there is a transition with a new job, an illness, a divorce, or simply your sleep is off from everyday stress.  You are feeling wild with exhaustion, and your ability to cope is greatly compromised.  I cannot explain how important sleep is, and long term lack of sleep leads to more and more impatience and yelling.   

What can you do?  Reassess your own routine and make sleep a priority. Avoid caffeine after noon, and don’t turn on the TV or other tech devices at night.  Stop eating once you have had dinner, and have a cup of milk or decaf tea.  A warm bath can also help!  Some people need to hire more help or call in family so that they can sleep…do what you need to do to get the rest you need!

2)  You are yelling because your routine is not working for the family.  When we are rushed, stressed, or feeling late, stress and impatience are at an all-time high.  It becomes easier to view children’s normalbehaviors as threatening challenges, and it starts to feel as though everyone in the family is actively working against you.   

What can you do?  Pay attention to the yelling and when you are becoming most angry.  Is it in the morning?  Does the alarm need to be set earlier?  What can you prepare the night before?  Pay attention to the basic routines in the family and make sure they are running as smoothly as they can (considering they will never be perfect!)

3)  You are yelling because you are trying to control your child too much.  As your child grows, she wants and needs more choices, more responsibility, and more power.  It is easy to fall into a habit where you keep treating her as though she is younger; this is a normal parenting mistake.  But it can often result in “you cannot make me do that, I am the boss of myself!” and other behaviors that feel quite defiant. Sometimes, though, when we control our children too much, they can move in the opposite direction and become passive-aggressive.  Instead of fighting back, your child is constantly “disappearing” when something needs to get done or they are suddenly useless.  This is the child you nag, cajole, threaten, beg, and eventually yell at, to get him to do something.   

What can you do?  Your children need real jobs.  Real work.  True responsibility.  As young as two, children can be trained to do a whole host of jobs and become valuable individuals in the family!  Rather than trying to change (and scream at) your kids, move in the direction of asking yourself: “what job do I need to teach my child so that he can do more for himself?” With patience and training, you can stop controlling  your child and start supporting their independence.

4)  You are yelling because you are not taking care of yourself or you are feeling unfulfilled.  You used to wear good-looking clothes and were respected in the workplace, now you have worn the same yoga pants for five days straight, and “Goodnight Moon” may have too many words for you.  You loved your career and felt passionate about your work, now you make grocery lists during meetings and rush to buy diapers on your lunch hour.  You feel constantly rushed or incredibly bored.  You look like a person you don’t know anymore, and your feel like your body has betrayed you.  You don’t see friends enough and don’t have date nights with your partner.  You eat left-over food off of plates and don’t exercise.  In short, you really are not taking care of yourself.  And when you don’t pay attention to your own needs, it is easy for resentment to take root and grow like a weed.  Naturally, it is not the fault of your children that you are depressed and angry, but they get the brunt of the frustration and anger.  It is easy to snap, yell, and belittle when we are feeling badly about ourselves.  And let’s face it, our kids will always forgive us!  It can quickly become a bad habit.

What can you do?  You have to find a way to start taking care of yourself, from the big things to the little.  From possibly leaving a job you hate to going back to work because your bored; from starting to eat well and exercise to joining a mother’s group; from committing to seeing your partner and friends more to going back to school…there are so many ways to start taking care of yourself.  And when you are more hopeful, more optimistic, and more yourself, you are less likely to lose your patience and yell.  Content people yell less.  Parents who pay attention to their own needs are simply kinder to their children.  So, from the tiny changes to the big ones, take stock (and responsibility) of your life and make the changes you need!  Your whole family will change.

Finally, for whatever you reason you think you are yelling too much at the kids, try to remember that yelling is often the symptom, not the cause of your problems.  Try to ask yourself: “why am I yelling?” and start there!

 

Anxiety, Parenting, and the Heart

So, your child has a normal worry: the dark, trying something new, typhoons, strangers coming into the house, parents dying, etc.

The child expresses the worry, and then the parent gets busy explaining explaining explaining why that should not be a worry.

The child’s brain cannot comprehend your perspective, but the child DOES understand that you are REALLY paying attention to him or her. The child’s brain (the prefrontal cortex) is making gang-buster maps that say, “WHOA. MOM IS FREAKING OUT. She is REALLY PAYING ATTENTION TO THIS.”

Hence, when little Jimmy wants MORE of your attention he is again, scared of the dark, scared of the stranger, etc.

You keep explaining, even start getting angry, trying to fix the problem, etc.

He keeps getting more scared. You get more frustrated, he gets more scared.

And poof. We have an anxiety problem.

But do we?

No.

The child’s brain is asking the parent (with the fears):

“I am learning the world is big and scary.

Am I SAFE?

AM I YOURS?

WILL YOU ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF ME? NO MATTER WHAT?”

So, you say:

“I know it is dark.

Yes, it can be scary. Let’s find a special flashlight for you.

I will always take of you, in the light and the dark.

I will always be here.

I am in charge.

I love you.”

Could everything end tomorrow? Sure. Who knows. A plane could land on your house.

But love is ENERGY, and energy doesn’t die. Love never dies.

Hand holding a heart

You are sending a message from your heart to your child’s heart,

“NO MATTER WHAT, YOU ARE MINE. I LOVE YOU FOREVER.”

If your eyes tear up to read this, this means that your brain and heart have integrated this information as true.

It is what is meant when people FEEL something in their hearts. Their guts. The TRUTH.

Flu, Flu, Go Away….

November 8th, 2013 by admin Posted in Uncategorized

Simply remembering the different times I have gotten the flu gives me the chills.  The fever, the aches, the hours and hours spent in bed…it is awful.  And for your kids?  It is pretty dreadful, too.  And while the everyday cold is obviously more tolerable, it can take a toll too.  Feeling run-down and sniffly can bring a whole family down.ThinkStock.com

So, here are some easy tips for you and your family to help prevent (or mitigate) the cold and flu season:

  • Get the flu shot.  Everyone in the family should get one, and now most kids and adults can receive the easy nasal spray!  Check with your doctor for the different options.
  • Wash hands.  Studies have known that good ol’ fashioned soap and water really works!  We sing the alphabet while we wash our hands, and that is just long enough to get germs off.  The anti-bacterial gels?  Well, in a pinch they are great, but are not truly necessary. Some germs and bacteria are actually needed to keep a good balance going in your body…so just wash the hands regularly and you will be in good shape.
  • Teach your children to sneeze into their elbows.  Teachers know and instruct kids to do this while in the classroom; there is no reason why your children need to be sneezing directly into their hands.
  • Keep your child home when they are sick.  A clear, runny nose?  Well, that is practically allchildren and if their disposition is good, most can go to school or daycare.   A fever?  A child who is really acting out of sorts?  Green mucus?  Keep that child home!
  • Get enough sleep, exercise, and healthy, whole foods.  This goes for everyone in the family!  But especially for parents, when you sleep, exercise, and eating properly, your body has a better chance at fighting illness.  Your immune system depends on you taking care of yourself (your kids need you, too!)
  • And always, ALWAYS, trust your parental instincts.  While most families will suffer through the flu and recover just fine, 200,000 people will be hospitalized with complications from the flu (according to the CDC), and the elderly, newborns, and pregnant women are the most susceptible.  If your child looks sick, is not acting like themselves, and your instinct is telling you something is just wrong, do not hesitate to see a doctor.

How to Have a FUN Halloween!

October 8th, 2013 by admin Posted in Uncategorized

The rumor that ran rampant when I was little was the “razor blades in candy” story.  Do you remember that? I am not sure it ever happened!  I think it was an urban legend that everyone glommed onto, and we spent years unwrapping candy and poking it.  Now, the fears of razor blades in caramels are largely finished.

These days, instead of irrational razor blade fears, we have an entirely new extreme:

HALLOWEEN OVERLOAD.

The catalogues for costumes arrive at the end of August, and the candy hits the shelves directly after Labor Day.  Our kids are inundated with witches, goblins, ghosts, Frankensteins, skeletons, and jack-o-lanterns so early, and they love it!  They sing pumpkin songs and cannot wait to wear their fireman and princess costumes.

The problem?  Children have active imaginations that RUN WILD.  We cannot wait to take Instagram after Instagram of the cute kids, but by the time Halloween actually rolls around, the kids are exhausted and overwhelmed.

So, when this great day rolls around, how we protect the kiddos from a scary Halloween meltdown?

  • Watch the exposure to the scary stuff.  Nightmares in children peak between the ages of 3 and 6!  With the uptick of TV shows and the music, (not to mention the Halloween aisle in CVS!), your children take those creepily fun images and plunk them right into their subconscious.  Don’t be surprised to see an increase in nightmares, fears at night, wanting the light on, questions and worries related to death, and wanting a parent nearby.  Treat these worries with patience and empathy, and then LIMIT exposure.
  • Monitor the sugar intake.  The candy enters into the home weeks before Halloween and the kids can start to snack (as well as Mom and Dad!)  Keep sugars to a minimum; children’s young brains are easily yanked around by the candy spikes, and it can interfere with their ability to sleep, focus, and eat healthier options.  Poor sleep, focus, and nutrition equals tantrums and meltdowns.
  • Keep expectations low.  If your child is school-age, there is a high likelihood that he or she will attend neighborhood, school, and park parties.  By the time the real trick-or-treating comes along, your child is BURNT OUT!  On Halloween night, get the costume on, take a picture, and then let it go.  You may get to a house to trick-or-treat, you may not.  But don’t plan to go to parties, grandmom’s house, and the local park parade…not unless you are trying to have the most frightful of nights! 

Have a fun and safe holiday!

Why Don’t Kids Listen to Their Parents?

September 8th, 2013 by admin Posted in Uncategorized

Parent-yelling-at-kidIn research I recently released concerning parenting challenges and sources of parenting information, parents did not talk about breastfeeding preschoolers, how they are intimidated by French moms, or the fact that they couldn’t force their children to practice the fourth hour of piano (à la Tiger Mom). No, in fact, my research of over five hundred mothers shows that parents are struggling with normal and everyday issues.

When asked to choose what relationship challenges parents face with their children (ages 2 to 10), parents overwhelmingly chose: “Ignoring Requests or Directions”

Simply put: kids are not listening to their parents.

As a parent coach, I run into this. A lot. So, here are some of my thoughts on kids and why they ignore their parents.

1)   When we nag, beg, threaten and bribe, we teach our children to ignore us. Why? Without real consequences, children very quickly learn that they can ignore our requests and, well, nothing really happens. And if they wait out our screaming and tantrums…nothing really changes for them, does it? The parent is the one with the problem, not the kids!

2)   Ignoring parents is a classic passive power play, and it works! While big, loud, and angry power struggles are obvious ways to struggle, passively ignoring parental requests can also erode at the fabric of family life. Whether it is slowly walking to the car (despite numerous requests to “please, just hurry”), or the child can never ever EVER find their shoes (hence, the parent is begrudgingly dragged into a search and rescue shoe mission), children unconsciously know they are the ones holding the reins. I say unconsciously, because most small children are simply not making conscious decisions to struggle with you. They are just doing what they know how to do, and in this case, it is ignoring the parent to receive attention.

M-leahy-parenting-challenges
Bar Graphic: Meghan Leahy

3)   Quite often, children ignore parental requests because they don’t know exactly what needs doing. If you are nagging your child, stop and ask yourself this:  “Have I properly trained this child to do the requested task?” If this answer is “no,” consider teaching the child how to do the task!  Take your time with it, allow for imperfections and keep the training going! You can train on anything from getting dressed to setting the table to creating a homework system!  Involve the children in the decision-making, make it fun and keep it going!

4)   Finally, if you have trained and set out explicit goals, and your child still ignores requests, allow for natural consequences. Unless it is a risk to life or limb, what would naturally happen as a result of you not interfering? So, for instance, if the five-year-old refuses to put their shoes on to walk to school, then put the shoes in a bag, and start to walk to school. If the child refuses to take the trash out, then let the trash build up and spill over. If the child will not finish her homework, then allow her to go to school with it incomplete. Yes, this may invite some uncomfortable moments and conversations, but the experience teaches far more than any lecture ever could!

With patience, planning and courage, we can teach our children to listen to us. Screaming, nagging, begging, bribing and punishing don’t work, and I know that our interactions with our kids can be better. So, make a plan and make it positive!

Review the rest of my research about parenting struggles.

 

Family Routines…Time to Take Another Look!

August 28th, 2013 by admin Posted in Uncategorized

Family-routineRoutine and schedules; schedules and routines. If you are a parent, you are hard-pressed to go anywhere without someone talking to you about sleeping schedules, eating and bedtime routines, and how very important they are to your child’s growth and development! So, what do you need to pay attention to when it comes to your child’s schedule and routine? Here are some ideas:

 

1.  Sleep, Sleep, Sleep.  Whether you have a newborn, a toddler, a kindergartner, an elementary or middle school-aged child, sleep is of paramount importance. It affects everything: appetite, ability to focus, energy-level, mood, weight-management, school performance and behavior management in school, as well as your child reaching their basic developmental milestones.

Your family’s schedule needs to be based around the sleep needs of your children. Something I often talk to my clients about is planning the bedtime routine around when they wake up the next morning. What do I mean? Well, if the family needs to be awake by 7:30 AM, and you have a three-year-old, you back up bedtime 12 hours to 7 PM.  Some families aren’t eating until 7 PM, pushing the bedtime back to 8 PM or even 9 PM, and leaving the toddler exhausted, under-rested and cranky. Is pushing dinner and bedtime earlier inconvenient for busy working parents? Yes, but I like to remind parents that it won’t be like this forever! Before you know it, your child will be staying up later, and you will be missing those “early-to-bed” days!

 

 2.  Eating. Sometimes I hear, “But my child is not hungry,” or, “They don’t eat the food I make!” And I get it. Feeding kids can be tough. Their taste buds are more sensitive than ours, and they really do taste food differently! But this doesn’t mean that meals cannot be prepared and enjoyed together as a family. Don’t succumb to making a steady diet of mac-n-cheese and nuggets! When kids are young, the food may be basic yet wholesome with some nights designated as “try-it nights”! You put out foods that the kids have picked and some that are new and exciting.  Kiwiskumquats and kale are nice options for new “try-it” nights.

The most important thing to remember is that keeping regular meal times (especially dinner) is an antidote to negative behaviors, both now and in the future. Study after study shows that family meals are critical for both communication and a sense of family belonging. It can be a challenge to do this in the early years, all work and little payoff, but the investment will be apparent in years to come! So, make mealtime a priority in your house.

Kids-playing-with-pots

Photo Source: Thinkstock/Comstock

3.  Doing nothing. Yes, you read it right. In this day and age, you need to schedule “doing nothing”.  If you have paid for it, signed up for it, have to check-in or buy a gift for it…that is doing something. Doing nothing allows for boredom and the all-important slowing down. Now, I am not going to bash technology (I am typing this on an iPad with an iPhone next to me). No, I think our brains can handle far more than we even think, but I do know our kids need to learn how to be bored. Why? Out of boredom comes creativity. Unique ideas spring forth, and kids are allowed to follow a true interest. This interest rarely involves money or complex toys.

For some kids, doing nothing is going to involve playing a sport, or climbing a tree, building Legos, or coloring and drawing. Some may stare at the sky, and some may recreate their classrooms. Doing nothing looks different for every child…so don’t judge it when you see it. As a parent, find your own doing nothing: napping, reading, listening to music you actually like, talking on the phone to a relative or friend, enjoying a glass of anything you like, cooking, writing a letter, practicing your golf swing, shooting hoops, etc.  “Yeah,” you think, “with what time?” Well, that is why you need to schedule it! Doing nothing will not happen spontaneously, at least for most families.

It may feel like there are a million components to your family and the schedules and routines you keep.  Try not to get too bogged down in too many details, and remember to stick to the basics!  Good food, rest and relaxation can take a family far!

Photo Source (upper right): Thinkstock/Goodshot